7.27.2018

Let's Chat: Living on the Edge

 The whole time I sat on the edge of this cliff, I kept thinking to myself how beautiful the view was. I walked from one edge of the cliff, to the other and peeked over. The drop was high; the water was blue and so clear that you could see the rocks at the bottom. Finally, after some gentle prodding, I sat down and let my feet dangle. My mother was freaking out in the background, it turns out that she’s scared of heights. You might be thinking “so are you”, and well you’d be wrong in your assumption. I have no problem with the height; I do however have a problem with the fall.
Falling gives me anxiety, because I know this body would not survive. It just wouldn’t. I literally put something under a table, pulled a muscle and was in pain for four days (insert shrug emoji here). Imagine what falling off a cliff into some water would do to this body. I’d be a mangled, blob of epidermis floating atop the water, the beautiful clear water. The same fear that I had standing on the edge of the cliff is the same anxiety I have when riding a roller coaster, or rock climbing or even climbing a ladder. Yet, I find myself doing the unexpected quite frequently and end up having the best time. The view was truly beautiful, and it was everything I thought it would be and more. It just felt like the air was fresher up there. It made me ponder upon why we let our fears dictate what we end up doing.
Honestly, I wanted to write a funny, self-deprecating post; one where I tell you that my chubby carcass almost died on the way up to these cliffs, or how my brother had to fetch me a walking stick on the way back to the car (like an old lady). I also twisted my ankle while we walked over some rocks; I lost my watch half way there and had to turn around to look for it. (This watch is $25 dollars, and I acted like it was $1000). My knees started screaming at me, and because I’m stubborn I didn’t put on my knee brace. I was sweating so much, I had to take out a wet nap and wipe my face. My nephew looked less tired than I did, and at one point he was chasing my dad. Oh, by the way my dad has actual knee/foot problems and he looked like he had more energy than me. Let’s not forget, that this park also has rattlesnakes, which give me the complete creeps. And yet, I had the greatest time.

So there I sat, on the ledge, looking out at the water and suddenly the fear was gone. I did what I was scared of, and it no longer seemed as scary as it did at the beginning. Mind you, I should still have some fear because my swimming skills (doggy-paddle anyone?) are that of a toddler and I’d probably give up instantly and drown. I started to think about all the times that I didn’t do something because I was scared, or it gave me the heeby-jeebies, or it was unknown. How much I must have missed out on because I let that fear control me. So, I wanted to make a promise to myself this year. Just to be brave. Brave in my walk with God, brave in my relationships, brave in my work place, just brave. What is the worst that can happen? Don’t answer that, because I feel like things could get grim real fast. But you know what I mean … I just want to be brave. Let’s be brave together!  I promise you, the view will be spectacular. This one was!
 

3 comments:

  1. Ok ok I’ll be brave with you!!

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  2. I promise to be brave with you too!

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  3. Nice read & Yay to you for conquering your fears! & BRAVE.. That is the key word. Oh, If only I can make that same promise for myself! <3

    ReplyDelete

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